* Man, it’s Friday and I don’t feel like talking about politics. So what have you all been up to that doesn’t involve politics? Oh. Really? That’s boring. Back to politics! * Obama apparently used to be a nutty birther . Yep, in his bio for his literary agent, he claimed to have been born in Kenya. Now, I find birthers to be annoying, so it’s a shock to find out the president is one. We can’t have a nut like that in the presidency; it will make us look like idiots. It’s time for him to go. No one in a position of power should be making such nutty claims. We have two candidates, and one of them, Romney, has consistently said that Obama was born in Hawaii. Let’s elect the sane one. * Brand new shocking information about Obama found by someone actually reading Obama’s book: Obama liked to drive drunk . What a lot of neat stuff we’re finally finding out about Obama four years after he was elected. Belly full of dog, mind clouded with gin, out loose on the highways. But he got over those rough early years to be a complete disaster as president. His next memoir should really be written as a comedy. * Jeremiah Wright claims he was offered money to keep quiet about Obama and… Weird. I just got a PayPal donation from Obama for… Wow. That’s quite a bit. Know what. Never mind about this. Let’s go on to the next item. * Here’s a blogger for Comedy Central whining about how conservatives are overtaking Twitter . If there’s one thing Twitter has taught me, it’s that there are a lot more funny conservatives than liberals. They just don’t have jobs in comedy. * I know I’ve been making fun of the move Battleship since — you know — it’s a movie based on the board game Battleship, but the director actually seems kind of cool and pro-military. Here’s a funny interview for Israel where he gets on the reporter for not being in the military (language warning). Also, a character in the movie is a disabled veteran who lost both his legs played by an actual disabled veteran who lost both his legs in Iraq — and gets to be part of a cool action scene. I kind of want to see the movie now.
Nuke the News: 99 Versus the Zero
* Looks like we may have another debt ceiling fight . The Republicans want some spending cuts so we can at least pretend we’re one day going to take on all the debt we have, while Obama just wants to spend and spend without any limits. Well, maybe there can be a compromise. Republicans will raise the debt ceiling with the only requirement being that Obama sign a letter stating, “I am not a serious person and have no intentions of righting the American economy and debt and only care about political power. I am a failure as president and as a human being. The reason dogs have been mysteriously disappearing form local neighborhoods is me.” How about that? That at least makes sure we’re all on the same page. * Obama’s budget failed in the Senate , 99-0, because Obama is a useless, silly person. The Democrats, in fact, didn’t have one vote for any budget as they are all useless, silly people. I guess any rational budget would just highlight what a huge mess they’ve made of things. In fact, Harry Reid’s current plan to deal with things is to go completely senile so everything seems fine. It’s working pretty well, actually. * Well, this whole Warren Elizabeth “faux-cahontos” thing has become a mummer’s farce. It really looks like she is in fact no parts Cherokee though apparently Harvard claimed the pasty white Warren as their law school’s first woman of color. Liberals are such hypocritical jokes about race. I really think she’s going to have to change her political slogan from its current “Give me back my land, pale-faces!” * A Super PAC is considering bringing up Jeremiah Wright. Democrats are already freaking out. You can go after Romney on a bullying incident from 50 years ago or how he once treated a dog, but talking about Obama’s crazed racist pastor who was his main spiritual influence is out of bounds. I think a good point with Wright and Bill Ayers is that Obama has a history of being around awful people and keeping silent to help himself politically. Still, I’m not sure it’s worth focusing on this. Usually you bring up the personal stuff about a candidate to say he’s going to do a bad job when in office. For Obama, the fact that he’s going to do a bad job has now been proven by him unfortunately trying to do the job. We probably should mainly focus on that because the Democrats will love any distraction away from it. * Bipartisan funny – Governor Chris Christie and Mayor Cory Booker made a video together: I have to say, Booker is quickly becoming my favorite Democrat. * So we had movies based on amusement park rides and now, with Battleship , we’re down to movies based on board games. Where do we go down from there? Movies based on elementary concepts? “I got it — Sand… the Movie! Everyone knows what sand is; it’s got great name recognition.” My hope is that one day someone at home on his computer will be able to make a movie just as easily as one can write a novel. We’ll have an artistic Renaissance when Hollywood is out of the picture. It’s like what happened to journalism when people like me were able to join in because of the internet — i.e., the most awesome thing ever!
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Nuke the News: 99 Versus the Zero
Nuke the News: Obama’s New Grade
* Obama, who previously gave himself a “solid B+” has now downgraded his grade to “incomplete” while speaking to the harpies on The View. You can just imagine him pleading to his professor, “Please don’t give me an F! Give me an incomplete instead! My dog ate my homework and then I ate the dog!” I’m pretty sure the presidency is pass/fail anyway. He’ll get his grade in November. * The Obama administration has charged CBS and the New York Times with bias . You’d think they’d keep quiet about that bias, but they’re actually claiming it was against them in that recent, devastating poll. Of course, this follows a pattern for Obama of trying to whine his way out of problems. “Wah! We are super popular! That poll is just mean and you’re stupid!” It’s pretty annoying, but the whining will turn to sweet music when it’s them complaining about how they lost. “Wah! People didn’t vote for us despite how great we are because they’re racist!” “Whatever, Rosa Parks. Here’s your bags; get out.” * Romney has likened Obama’s rapid increasing of our debt to a prairie fire . I guess that works as analogy. CITIZEN: “Oh no! This prairie fire is spreading rapidly! We have to do something!” OBAMA: “I know: We’ll burn our way out of it. Let me get my flamethrower.” CITIZEN: “That’s a horrible idea!” OBAMA: “SHUT UP! YOU’RE STUPID AND I’M SMART!” CITIZEN: “Gah! You’ve made things much worse! What a complete and utter failure!” OBAMA: “It’s an incomplete.” * Breaking News: Chris Matthews is pretty stupid . He’s one of those people extremely insecure about his intelligence — and for good reason — and so he often lashes out at others, especially Palin, to make himself feel smarter. He often mused about how bad Palin would do on Jeopardy!, and then he went on it himself and was a complete boob. Because he’s dumb. I really don’t know how this dim bulb got on TV in the first place. They should make a show co-hosted by him and Biden where they just let them rant on the news for a half-hour and then award one of them at the end for who said the dumbest thing that night. It will be a tough, exciting competition! * So the Ron Paul campaign ended . Yeah, I didn’t know it was still going on either. His views just weren’t popular. It ends up that people hate gold and love the Fed. Also, they’re not particularly enamored by cranks and their overenthusiastic crank supporters. Well, there’s always 2016 to… waste money on a pointless campaign that only pesters people. Seems like his politics would be more at place in a road show. He could travel town to town and have some hapless neocon for him to debate and easily defeat — it would be like the Harlem Globetrotters. Something to consider.
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Nuke the News: Obama’s New Grade
Nuke the News: Obama Ripped Off My Book
* Remember the section in my book where I compare Obama to every previous president? Well, Obama has decided to do that himself and has inserted himself in the official White House bio of previous presidents saying how he is continuing and improving upon their legacies. He only goes back to Coolidge, but I assume eventually he’ll add to all their bios showing how he is the culmination of all the presidents before him and thus the greatest president ever in the history of everything. Totally ripping me off. I bet he’s already constructing his robot unicorn body. * According to Obama, we don’t have to worry because “The question is not whether things will get better, they always do.” See things always get better, so we don’t have to worry. But if it’s inevitable that things get better, shouldn’t that go with a more Calvin Coolidge, leave things alone attitude? I mean, if it’s a foregone conclusion things will get better, no reason to panic and spend a trillion in useless stimulus, right? * A new CBS/NYT poll of registered voters — not likely voters which always leans more Republican – has Romney leading 46 to 43. He’s even leading among women. This is almost apocalyptic for Obama. Hey, what was that Obama said about how we don’t need to worry because things always get better… * A new Obama ad calls Romney a “vampire” for what his firm did to jobs. But vampires are very popular these days; maybe that’s how Romney closed up the gender gap. If Romney is a vampire towards jobs, what’s Obama? A zombie plague? * Governor Jerry Brown is calling for big cuts and big taxes to close up the nearly 16 billion California deficit. Unlike the federal government, a state government can’t go into debt so it makes it harder to hide the government’s complete and utter failure. Isn’t there talk of how California will eventually break off the continent and sink into the sea? That does seem like its most economically viable option right now. * The right is dominating the Twitters. It may have a silly name, but it’s yet another way to allow conservatives to easily get their voice out and thus they’re dominating it. The reason the right fall behind in the media is few want to make it a full time job, but give conservatives the option to commentate or make jokes in their spare time, and you’ll find a lot of talent. Al Gore invented the internet, and now his own creation is destroying the left. * Diablo III is out today. Considering how hugely successful the previous one was, it’s strange they waited more than a decade for the sequel. One innovation is that you’ll now be able to trade fictional goods to other people for real money. Our economy in the real world is floundering, so maybe it will do better in a virtual world. There’s no Obama to mess things up in the world of Diablo. There are demons and stuff, but they don’t raise taxes. Max Payne 3 is also out. I loved the previous games and never got tired of diving in slow motion while firing two guns, but I’ll wait on this one. I’ve paid $50 for new releases of video games since I was a kid, and that’s the most I’ll still pay now. Why is everything $60 now? Obama must have screwed up video game prices like he did gas. We need more drilling; I don’t know how that will help video game prices, but it won’t hurt. _______________ UPDATE: Linked at Commentary Magazine
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Nuke the News: Obama Ripped Off My Book
Nuke the News: Obama Is Now Gay
* I have a new New York Post column ! I worry that our country’s problems are just too boring to focus on and muse about what kind of warlord I’ll bee. I mean, most of these are the same problems we had back in the ’70s. No one solved them then, because they were distracted by the president being a bitten by a rabbit. Read it. Discuss it. Like it on Facebook. * Obama is teh ghey! Apparently Newsweek and Time are in competition for most insane cover story, but I still don’t know if that justifies hiring the mentally unbalanced, Palin womb-obsessed Andrew Sullivan. It might be possible that Obama could carefully play his gay marriage support in a way that won’t hurt him, but his idiotic supporters will make that hard. And maybe Newsweek should fully embrace it’s new freak show vibe and instead of charging $4 an issue they should charge a nickel a gander. * Obama has a new attack ad on all the layoffs at Bain… that happened after Romney left the company . So if I can get this straight, Romney is responsible for job losses when he no longer worked at a business, but Obama isn’t responsible for job losses while he is actually president? Why are we even considering reelecting Obama when he this objectively bad at his job. It makes a mockery of the whole point of having elections. Only dictatorships are supposed to be stuck with the same awful leader no matter how badly he performs. * The co-founder of Facebook has renounced his American citizenship to save on taxes before the IPO. It’s pretty bad when taxes chase people away from being citizens. I don’t know if I could ever renounce my citizenship, even if it was to avoid absurd taxes. Well, maybe I could lose my citizenship to dodge the taxes and then I’d sneak in illegally. * Wisdom of the Day from Dan McLaughlin : Real talk: Obama has done nothing that would warrant impeaching him, trying him for treason, or re-electing him.
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Nuke the News: Obama Is Now Gay
Nuke the News: Courageous Stance!
* Big news yesterday. Obama took a strong, clear pro-donor money stance . The funny thing to me is that what brought on Obama “courageous evolution” was Joe Biden just shooting his stupid mouth off as usual. All indications are that the White House was caught off guard by it and basically it, along with the North Carolina vote, made his position on gay marriage no one believed look all the more craven. They figured supporting gay marriage will hurt him with whatever religious voters the Democrats haven’t already scared away but him looking like the politically calculating coward he is was even worse. So courageousness! This probably neutralizes the flip flop issue for Romney, though. When called on anything, he can just say he “evolved.” * I’ve already got a couple fund raising emails from Obama where you’re supposed to award him for his courage. It starts “Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer”. Yeah, after 99 times of hedging on the answer. Yet, lots of Dems are applauding this. In their hearts they know how craven he is, but once again they want to believe. I always said this should be the campaign poster for Obama: * Meanwhile, we got the back-patters like Shep Smith telling us how the issue is already decided and anyone against gay marriage is on “the wrong side of history.” Do they really think this gay marriage issue is going to end Christianity? The Bible seems to have a pretty clear definition of marriage straight from Jesus, so I don’t really see this going away. It may be like sex before marriage where society has decided its okay and most people ignore Christian morality on it, but the opposition will never end. “We’re really modern and we all believe this now” is not a sound theological argument that lasts. * In non gay marriage, the economy is still crumbling and many people are still thinking of reelecting the incompetent boob who has been presiding over it. * Wisdom of the Day from Jon Henke : This is, what, the umpteenth consecutive news cycle that’s not about Obama’s record and the economy? This is how Democrats will win.
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Nuke the News: Courageous Stance!
Random Thoughts: Elizabeth Warren, Cherokee-Killer
Has anyone used the headline yet “Lugar Misfires”? If not, it’s yours for free. So what’s Obama think about the North Carolina vote? You can always look to Obama to find a leader. He’s the guy Obama is following. So Elizabeth Warren is 1/32 Cherokee and 1/4 Cherokee murderer. Maybe Warren joined the Native American groups so she could more easily round them up and force them off their land. So does anyone actually sell those holsters that makes the gun pop out your sleeve right into your hand? For women whose husbands don’t have a chance of being elected, is there a way for them to be proud of their country? #AskMichelle Can’t Chick-fil-A hire Jews and Muslims to work on Sunday? Don’t hire atheists, though; can’t trust the godless with chicken sandwiches. Shouldn’t we have evolved by now to not have hair on our arms so pulling off band-aids doesn’t hurt? Finally watching Moneyball. I hear who Jonah Hill plays is actually a composite character and once dated Obama.
Nuke the News: Treasonous Obama
* The CIA stopped another underwear bomb plot , this one originating in Yemen. Obama released a statement saying, “I made the gutsy call that the CIA should stop bomb plots, so I basically I stopped the bomb myself.” Notice how terrorists are still pretty stuck on the whole “blow up an airplane” thing? There are so many things to blow up, yet that always seems to be most of their focus. They’re just not very original thinkers… luckily. * Some woman said that Obama should be tried for treason, and Romney didn’t say anything. Because of that, Obama has been arrested for treason and now sits in a cell awaiting execution. Way to not show leadership, Romney! Yeah, the Democrats are trying to make a big issue out of this . They didn’t care when all sorts of awful things were said about Bush and there were plenty of assassination fantasies out there, but now we’re supposed to believe they actually care about this sort of stuff. I’m tired of pointing out all these double standards though — you could do it all day. I just go with this general rule: Whenever the left act like they really care about something, it’s just partisan BS. Always. There is absolutely nothing out there where if you switched the parties they would still care about it. Rape (Bill Clinton), Murder (Ted Kennedy) — nothing. If a liberal is acting like he really cares about something, he is being disingenuous. Only trust liberal hipsters who never act like they care about anything. * It’s pretty much a bipartisan agreement that Obama is a disingenuous creep on the gay marriage issue , right? I mean, no one actually believes his incoherent “I’m against gay marriage… sorta… but evolving” dribble, correct? I mean, if we find anyone that dumb to believe Obama on this, that person should be publicly shamed as an imbecile. Everyone should agree with that. So what’s Obama going to do if he gets reelected? Of course, that’s the question on everything. And the answer: Not much. Especially if Republicans keep the House and gain the Senate as most are predicting. * Wisdom of the Day from Brian Cates : We’re constantly told about capitalism’s failures but never about socialism’s awesome successes. * I’m pretty sure scientists hate dinosaurs now. They seem to be doing everything they can to ruin everything that made dinosaurs cool when I was a kid. First, they changed the term “dinosaur” to now include birds. If a sparrow is a dinosaur, that significantly cheapens the term. And then scientists started putting feathers on pretty much all the dinosaurs — even the T Rex . Finally, they’ve taken away the awesome “dinosaurs were killed by a meteor story” and replaced it with “dinosaurs farted themselves to death.” So what were once giant terrible lizards are now just farting Big Birds. Thanks, scientists. Do you want to take away anymore planets while you’re at it? Why don’t you just team up with Michael Bay and completely finish off my childhood.
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Nuke the News: Treasonous Obama