It’s no secret that I think Barack Obama is an idiot. And that I think that those that voted for Obama are idiots. But, during certain times of the year, I try to put that kind of stuff aside and do the whole “can’t we all play nice” kind of thing. For example, Frank usually posts stuff about holidays here. Over at my little blog, I’ve posted proclamations by the current president regarding Thanksgiving ( 2009 ) and Veterans Day ( 2009 , 2010 ). Why not Veterans Day proclamation post? Simple. The current president didn’t issue any such proclamation this year. Check for yourself . Find one for Thanksgiving, too. Oh, and find one for Christmas. Not just for this year, but for any of the three Christmases since he occupied the Oval Office. They don’t exist. The last Presidential Proclamation regarding Christmas came from President George W. Bush in 2008. Now, you will find a proclamation on Hanukkah for this year. But you won’t find one for last year. I suppose after this year’s missteps regarding Israel, he did this, hoping to mend fences. But, Obama being Obama, he screwed it up. Though the proclamation got the dates right, the actual ceremony was 12 days off – and all jacked up. He did issue a statement on Kwanzaa this year, as well as in 2010 and 2009 . Maybe if Kwanzaa was more than 45 years old, he’d issue a proclamation. Till then, made-up holidays got to take what they can get, I suppose. Anyway, about Obama. There’s no hope for this guy. And, if you are planning on voting for him in 2012, there’s no hope for you. And, if he wins, there’s no hope for any of us.
Making Obama dance
Do the Republicans have the power to control Obama? Remember when Obama was planning that 17-day vacation in Hawaii? You know, he needed a break from screwing things up; that can be tiring if you do too much of it. Well, last week, it was suddenly decided that he’d have to stay in town after all. This, right after GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney criticized the president for taking the vacation : “I just think it’s time to have a president whose idea of being ‘hands on’ doesn’t mean getting a better grip on the golf club,” Romney told potential caucus voters in Iowa. Then, last week, GOP candidate Rick Perry took aim at Obama by way of religion : As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. What did Obama do this weekend? He went to church . First time since Easter. Now, maybe he thought it was Christmas. His calendar does seem to be about 12 days off . Or, he reacted to Perry’s attack. Let’s go with the latter, because it fits with his reaction to Romney’s attack. This means that Republicans can attack Obama about something, and he’ll then react to it. If we have Gingrich say that the president doesn’t understand what it’s like to have to flip burgers or wash cars, will we see Obama behind the counter at a Hardee’s or working at the car wash? If Michele Bachmann says the president doesn’t know what it’s like for families to shop for food on a budget, will we see Obama pushing a shopping cart at the Piggly Wiggly? It’s possible. So, what can we criticize Obama about and get him to do in response? Criticize him for not understanding how hard it is to catch a Road Runner. Then, he’ll put on some ACME Rocket-Powered Tennis Shoes and go running through the desert. Say he doesn’t understand the plight of bucket inspectors. Then, he’ll stick his head in a bucket. Slam Obama for not understanding how hard things are for Irish Folk Dance performers. Then, he’ll dance a jig. Bring up that people who ride shopping carts down hills are having a difficult time in this economy. And there’s only one way for him to understand what they’re going through. Point out how doesn’t relate to 1950s motorcyclists from Milwaukee who visits Hollywood with his friends . Then, he’ll … no, never mind this one. Obama jumped the shark a long time ago.
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Making Obama dance
A calendar ain’t nothing but a number
The president is celebrating Hanukkah. Not “planning to observe Hanukkah beginning December 20th” but IS. As in now . None of this silly waiting until the Festival of Lights actually begins, but now. Because, it’s not like days … or the number of days or anything … really matter, right? And, so as to not drag it all out, the president went ahead and lit all the candles. Because, well, you know, why not. It’s not like you need to light one a day or anything, right? It doesn’t, like, have any special meaning, right? While the Festival of Lights doesn’t actually begin until December 20th this year, it does begin December 8th next year. So, maybe he’s so far ahead on his schedule to destroy everything that he thought the 2012 apocalypse was already upon us, and used the 2012 date to celebrate Hanukkah. Or, maybe he thinks so far outside the box — like that book says — that he doesn’t let the calendar dictate when he does things. Like observing Hanukkah 12 days early. And all at once, not over eight days. And, looking at the calendar, we need to do Christmas at some more convenient time. This year, it’s on a Sunday. And, everybody knows that Sunday is for sleeping until noon, getting up, ordering a pizza and watching football. Christmas would just interfere with that. The kids will be getting up early, and messing up all that “sleep until noon” thing, which is totally unacceptable. And, besides, some people go to church on Sunday, and we certainly don’t want religion to interfere with Christmas, do we? So, we can do Christmas on the 16th. It’s a Friday, the mid-month government checks will have arrived the day before so we can stop by the Dollar General and pick up some gifts. It’s perfect. And New Year’s? It’s a Sunday, too! How did that happen? Both Christmas and New Years on a Sunday? Actually, that’s not bad. Getting all drunk and such the night before means sleeping in on New Year’s Day, so, yeah, that actually works. It needs to be a Sunday every year. St. Patrick’s Day is a Thursday in 2012. That won’t fly. Need to move it to a weekend. The celebration in New York is big, of course, but New York can handle a million people partying with no problem. But, if you decide you want to party but not go to New York, the 2nd largest celebration, in Savannah, nearly triples that city’s population for the day. So, yeah, a weekend would help with that. I’m thinking March 12th would be good. Easter and Mother’s Day are too close together in 2012, so let’s do Easter on April 1st. That way, when the kids go out to hunt for Easter Eggs, and they don’t find any because we didn’t hide any, we can yell “April Fools!” July 4th? No, let’s move Independence Day to May 31st. We’re already doing stuff on Memorial Day, which is May 30th. So, celebrating Independence Day on the 31st makes it a two-day party. Let’s do Labor Day up right. Find out when the NFL season starts and we can do Labor Day that Monday. Anyway, you get the idea? Like Obama, we don’t need to be bound by a silly calendar. We’re beyond that.
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A calendar ain’t nothing but a number
Keeping Obama entertained
The president is going on vacation . Liberals must be glad to hear that. Destroying a country is hard work, and he needs to recharge. I’m glad to hear it, because that means he won’t be actively destroying the country. It’s nice when conservatives and liberals can come together to support the president when he does something. But I’m thinking that 17 days isn’t enough time to let the country recover. Obama needs to go somewhere else when this upcoming vacation ends. I’m thinking he could take a tour of all the golf courses in the country and leave regular folks alone. Or, he could start a traveling basketball tour, like the Harlem Globetrotters. Or, he could travel the country giving speaking tours. There are still people who want to hear him talk. But, to make it entertaining, don’t let him take his TelePrompTer. I might want to watch that. Or clips of it. The point is, there are things Obama can do other than play president, since he does that so badly. What ideas have you for what Obama can do for the next 413 days?
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Keeping Obama entertained
Discounting Obama
Did you miss the sale? Obama was on sale yesterday . Why? There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist. After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right? There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale. That’s the one I’m banking on. So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.
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Discounting Obama
Hide your kids, hide your husbands, Republicans be rapin’ ev’rybody
Joe Biden wants to raise your taxes so you won’t get raped. [ Direct link ] Excerpt: In 2008, when Flint had 265 sworn officers on their police force, there were 35 murders and 91 rapes in this city. In 2010, when Flint had only 144 police officers, the murder rate climbed to 65 and rapes–just to pick two categories–climbed to 229. In 2011, you now only have 125 shields. God only knows what the numbers will be this year for Flint if we don’t rectify it. And God only knows what that number would have been had we not been able to get a little bit of help to you. So, if you weren’t raped or murdered this year, thank Joe Biden and Barack Obama. If you were raped or murdered, blamed the Republicans. In fact, the Republicans are tired of rapists and murders getting all the credit. They have formed a task force to climb into your windows, snatch your people up, and rape them. How do you defend against it? You need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husbands because the Republicans will be raping everybody. And they’re all racist. Especially that colored fellow. He’s the most racist of them all.
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Hide your kids, hide your husbands, Republicans be rapin’ ev’rybody
Bewitched
Abner! Abner! They’re doing it again! Who’s doing it, Gladys? What are they doing? Those strange people in that house across the street. I tell you, Abner, there’s something not right about them! What’s wrong with them, Gladys? Where do you want me to start? With the husband? That’s a shady character! He seems like a nice man. Oh, sure he does. But what does he do? This is a pretty exclusive neighborhood, and I never heard of him before he put up a bid for that house across the street. So you never heard of him. That doesn’t prove anything. I checked around. Turns out he was something called a “Community Organizer.” A “Community Organizer?!” Can you believe that? So he never had a real job. What of it? He seems to be doing alright for himself now. Oh, sure, but we’re paying for it. Every time you turn around, he’s over here wanting more money. I tell you, Abner, we’re nearly broke! Nearly? Have you seen our credit card bill? It’s up in the trillions. But why are you blaming him? The guy who used to live there was hitting us up all the time, too. But not like this. Plus, what does he do all day? He’s always jumping into his airplane and heading off to play golf or give a speech. He’s been there nearly three years and all he’s done is want more and more money from us. A man’s gotta make a living somehow. What about the people he hangs around with? Have you ever seen such a bunch of crooks and low-lifes? So, he knows some shady types. What about your brother, Gladys? Didn’t he get a speeding ticket just last week? And you want to criticize the friends of our neighbors. Then there are those out-of-work people. What are you talking about? There used to be a few people without jobs hanging around, yelling at the nice man that used to live there. Now, there are twice as many hanging around. Times are tough. Tough? Sure, for you and me and the out-of-work. But that man and his friends from Nevada and California came by, wanting us to give them a lot of money so they could spend it creating fake jobs for those out-of-work people. Like I said, times are tough. I’d hire them at my plant if I could expand. But I can’t because of government regulation. So, we have to help the out-of-work some way. Oh, Abner. Do you even listen to what you’re saying? Why are you blaming the nice man across the street for this anyway? And what about his wife! Can you believe her? What about her, Gladys? What about here?! She’s always taking a group of people off to big vacations overseas, and sending us the bill! But she’s such a fashion icon and wants nothing but the best for us. Fashion icon? Where did you get that? From that newspaper you read all day? As a matter of fact, yes, Gladys. These newspapers says that she’s such a smart, wonderful woman. That’s how I know! And they’re the same ones who said that it’d be so wonderful to have them move in across the street. But look how that’s turned out. I’ll have you know that Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life . Oh, you are so bewitched by those people, Abner.
ESPN and Hank Williams, Jr.
ESPN pulled the standard Hank Williams, Jr. opening from Monday Night Football after some comments the singer made on Fox and Friends : In an interview Monday morning on Fox News’ “Fox & Friends,” Williams, unprompted, said of Obama’s outing on the links with House Speaker John Boehner: “It’d be like Hitler playing golf with (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu.” I, for one, applaude the decision by ESPN. Comparing the Speaker of the House, John Boehner, to Adolf Hitler was a horrible thing for Williams to do. Then, comparing Obama to Benjamin Netanyahu? Our Israeli friend deserves better.
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ESPN and Hank Williams, Jr.